I Think It's Finally Spring

Now I know that all my friends and relatives living in the frozen north have absolutely no sympathy for me here in Florida. But I have to say our winter has been grueling. We're simply not equipped for temperatures under about 50 degrees.

We're used to cloudless blue skies, warm ocean breezes and chirping song birds. None of those things are around when the threat of snow is imminent this far south. We retreat inside and huddle under every available blanket we could dig out of the attic.

I've forgotten what it felt like to read the morning paper on my back porch with Ginger sitting by my side, or to watch the ducks swimming in the pond and listen to the birds sing. This is spring. All the birds who escaped the frozen north are here. And they're singing from morning until night. I've missed the calming sound of their constant chorus.

Aside from having breakfast on the porch, there is something else I've missed. During the bitter cold winter I practically lived in the same pair of cozy warm sweatpants. Sometimes I even slept in them so I could get out of bed in the morning and still be toasty warm. Today with the temperature stretching toward 80, I tossed them in the laundry basket and went searching in a corner of my closet I hadn't visited in quite some time. All of my shorts, undisturbed, were anxiously waiting for a trip out into the world again. Touching them all, I finally selected a soft and well worn pair and slipped it on.

Wearing my new garb, I grabbed my laptop and headed out to the back porch. I propped my pale white legs up on the loveseat and started writing. The birds are chirping, the ducks are swimming and Ginger is cuddled up by my side. Thank God, it's finally spring.

Old Farts

"There is really nothing on TV tonight," I said as I flipped through the channels with the remote control.

"Turn on the guide. See if there are any good movies on," Richard commented.

Every conversation at work or lunch out with the girls turns to television. Did you see this show or that? Do you follow American Idol or Dancing With the Stars or Grey's Anatomy or Law and Order? I think Richard and I watch too much television but we never seem to be watching what everyone else is.

"Why don't you tape it?" my friends ask.

"I don't have a DVR." I refrain from adding that I probably wouldn't know how to use it if I did. The DVD player is rarely used for that very reason. Too much hassle.

I scrolled through the TV guide. "How about Saturday Night Live reruns on VH1?"

"Sounds good," Richard mumbled.

I hadn't watched SNL in years. In college we stopped whatever we were doing on Saturday night to watch it at 11 or whatever late hour it came on. I haven't stayed up past 10 pm in years. We curled up on the couch pretending it was midnight. Some of SNL was funny. I liked Tina Fey as Sarah Palin and Will Ferrell as George W. Bush. But alot of it I just plain didn't get. Neither did Richard. We were just getting ready to call it quits when a commercial came on. Our eyes quickly riveted to the screen.

When the commercial finished Richard said, "Did we just see a condom commercial?"

"I think we did. On prime time television? How did that happen?" I was dazed and shocked. I'd learned to tune out the feminine pad advertising long ago but condoms? I'd never seen a condom commercial before.

If we had a DVR and knew how to use it we wouldn't have seen the condom commercial. I'm told I'd be able to skip all the commercials and watch an entire program in half the time. Imagine all the shows we could watch! Speed watching! Just think of the excitement we've missed!

The condom shock faded quickly and our eyelids began to droop once again. I turned off the TV and we trudged off to bed. To sleep.

We really are a couple of old farts. Good night!