Are We Thin Yet?

"We're going on a diet." Richard announced. "And it's not going to be any fun living here. I'm going to be very strict with you."
I have to admit we'd both gotten a little fat and happy lately. The novelty of not working wore off and we'd settled into a more sedentary routine. As a writer, it's easy to sit all day when your muse is working in overdrive. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
I headed off to the grocery store and stocked up on all the makings of a wonderful salad. Frozen veggies stuffed the shelves of my freezer. I loaded up on fish and we were ready to embark on our new, thinner selves.
Richard brought the bathroom scale out of its retirement in the closet and put it in the bedroom. On the dresser was a paper and pen. One column for Linda, one for Richard with the dates down the side. I was instructed to weigh myself every single morning and write it down. We both recorded our weight religiously. We were on the road to thinness.
We kept up our plan for about a week until we had to go to Wal-Mart.
"Can we have lunch at McDonald's?" Richard begged.
"There's nothing on your diet on the menu there." I was trying to keep us on the straight and narrow.
"I know, but I'm dying for a hamburger."
"OK, get me a chicken sandwich and some fries." The mention of a hamburger perked up my appetite.
McDonald's never tasted so good.
As the days went on we ate less and less of the salad fixings and even less of the fruit in the bowl on the kitchen counter. Richard declared he was tired of bunny food.
Yesterday was his day to clean the house. After he finished, the scale was missing from the bedroom and the pen and paper had mysteriously disappeared.
I asked the expected question.
"Are we not on diets anymore?"