Translation by Richard

I've spent our entire married life translating for Richard. He never spoke a word until he was five years old. Even today some words come out all mangled up. Recently we were having some guests for dinner. I wrote a list of things to get at the store.
"What do you want to serve for dessert?" I asked.
"Get some oregano." Richard replied.
"Oregano?" I looked at him as if he were crazy. He stared back as if I were the crazy one.
"You know those little pastries with fruit inside."
"You mean rugala?"
"Yeah, rugala. You know what I mean. Oh and get some sparus."
"Asparagus?"
"Aspragarus." He still can't pronounce that word no matter how hard I try to help him.
On a recent trip to Washington, DC, Richard did a little translating of his own.
Our friends insisted we go out for what they called the best Chinese food on earth. George Bush senior had made the restaurant famous during his stint in the White House. We entered a typical American style Chinese restaurant. The former president's picture adorned the walls. Chinese lanterns hung from the ceiling. The waitress put on a show as she carved our Peking duck. We shared more food scooping it from large metal dishes. We ate and drank and had lively conversation.
After we gorged ourselves, the fortune cookies appeared on our table. No Chinese meal is complete without a fortune cookie. We each grabbed one and cracked it open. Keeping with tradition, each fortune had to be read aloud.
"An old pot is best around the kitchen."
"Concern yourself about others more than yourself."
"Watch out for falling donkeys. One may just land on your ass." Silly but true. We all laughed.
Now it was Richard's turn. He put on his glasses and in his most serious voice began to read.
"Tonight you will have good sex." We roared.
I grabbed the fortune from his hand to find out what it really said.
"Look in the right places; you will find some good offerings."
He took the fortune back and showed me the Chinese characters on the back.
"I was reading from this side," He grinned.